Someone famous said some time ago, that the young think too much about the future (or having no future), seeing each other as old, thinking about the end of life, There are many young thinking about committing suicide out there, and numbers are expected to rise. We live in a social-media era, but getting more and more lonely.
Then it strikes me again, this miserable feeling that nothing I know or see is new, that I predicted all of it, in my dreams.
I've dreamed a lot about the dark times, a great flood sweeping whole countries away, a great war killing most of our world population, about people of great power and wealth grabbing for more and more, never satisfied of what they have.
Bad choices, big life mistakes, too much trust too soon, priorities set wrong, bad people too close, good people too far away, anger, no job, feeling useless, no hope. All I've experienced.
Good moments, bright days, feeling of freedom for a second, no worries for even short. I do have memories I cherish, a few people I love. And yet, everything seems like an old story to me, past long gone, though some things are still present, alive.
I keep asking myself, why I'm feeling old, though I'm young? Maybe I wanted too much and too fast? If so I've burned out only by thinking, since I still haven't achieved anything in life.
I keep looking toward horizon, waiting for something anxiously, almost like I was knowing it will come but don't know exactly when and from where. I keep seeing things that never happened, yet thinking about them like they were. But, if you ask me what I'm thinking, what I'm seeing, I don't know from where to start so I keep silence. Knowing and not knowing at the same time. Seeing more than I should and not seeing at all.
I'm starting to be more and more impatient, waiting for something great and forgetting about small things - eating, drinking, even toilet, waiting till the last moment. I'm doing that even now. It's 2 AM here, and I'm tired but still felt the need to write. To talk to you, though I may not know even your name, though we have never met...
Made by kesbet
